Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
