Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
