im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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