I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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