Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
