Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
