none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize