I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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