No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
