do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
