I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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