areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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