haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
