next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
