Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
