when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
