So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
