How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
