I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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