dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
