recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
