dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
