Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How external is "for external use only"?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
