How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize