I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Randomize
