i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
