a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
