Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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