haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
