apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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