I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We had to coat check the pizza.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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