I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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