She's JV to your varsity
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
