you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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