Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
