Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
