Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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