You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Two words: blizzard sex
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize