you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
