After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
