its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
