he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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