then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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