Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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