May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
