Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
