So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
