i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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