I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
