do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
