he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
