It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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