Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
