she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
