If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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