He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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