He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i think i have two assholes
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
