How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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