Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
