oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
