I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
