May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
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